Ninety Days

Today I have ninety days clean;

Friends who are falling apart at the seams

Folks who are platonic in life but erotic in dreams

And a mind so discordant I don’t know what to believe.

But- I do have ninety days clean and we’re meant to celebrate small victories, though I can’t take all the credit… things might be different with an enabling medic

Yeah, I said it

Feeling like my recovery today is a symptom of circumstance, would probably use if given the chance though ultimately I’d regret it.

Tumultuous, chaotic and sad… but feeling your feelings isn’t meant to be bad

Part of the healing journey, it must be said, is painful and messy nd sucks just a tad.

Everyday — I say, “I’m an addict” My clean date and commitment to stay at it

But, sometimes I want it so badly, like the song by Stevie Howie,

God damn I’m an addict.