The First Step — Again…

Some struggles are worth fighting even if we know we cannot win,
just as some are not worth fighting even though our victory is sure. This
is discernment, and it comes from our experience. We learn to tell the
difference between a principle we need to stand for and an opinion that
we just won’t let go of. We are able to choose for ourselves when to
stand up and when to surrender, and as we practice we get better at
determining which is right for us.

Learning to accept the things we cannot change and take action where it
is appropriate is not just part of recovering from addiction; it is part of
growing up. Many of us are like overgrown children, still wanting to have
things our way without regard for anything else. Often this means that
we go through a painful adolescence in the rooms, whatever our age.
Maturity comes to us when we use spiritual principles rather than
defects to deal with reality. Incorporating principles into our lives allows
us to understand the difference between right and wrong. Many of our most crippling defects become powerful assets when we let go of self-
centered fear.

Many times in our addiction we experienced a moment of clarity, when
we could see the truth about what we had become, but that awareness in
itself did not bring change. Effort is necessary for change to occur. Our
lives change because we take action. Some of us say that we are
“applying” spiritual principles because it means we’re acting in some
particular way. Others of us prefer to say we are “practicing” principles
because we know we can always get better at it. However we say it,
action is what matters.

Our primary action is surrender, and we come back to it every day. There
is always room to let go a little more.

Living Clean: The Journey Continues…

Created: April 1, 2023 at 8:08 PM

I’m still not sure how to quantify ‘clean time’ when the addictions are so varied and include both tangible and intangible things. Maybe we should start with Step One*:

Honesty: After many years of denial, recovery can begin with one simple admission of being powerless over alcohol or any other drug a person is addicted to. Their friends and family may also use this step to admit their loved one has an addiction.

• This version of Step One doesn’t come from the original AA text, but rather a more overarching article from VeryWellMind.com, which I invite you to view with discernment.

After 40 cycles around the sun, on this planet of learning and discovery, for me to admit that I am powerless over substances and patterns of behavior I use to escape reality has been a daily battle. My inner voice, or Ego most likely, tells me that there’s not anything actually wrong with me, it’s ok to live autonomously and as long as I can look in the mirror everyday and say, “Yeah, I’m good with this.” I don’t really have a problem, do I?

Insidious is the word that came from a table the other day, and it also rings true here.

More from Wordnik.com

Because in recovery, “We learn to tell the difference between a principle we need to stand for and an opinion that we just won’t let go of.” And what I have slowly started to realize is that — this is an opinion and it has caused me to isolate myself from loved ones. It has led me to accept behaviors in myself that put my physical, mental and spiritual health at risk and which do not serve me in any path of recovery.

Many times in our addiction we experienced a moment of clarity, when
we could see the truth about what we had become, but that awareness in
itself did not bring change.

My life becomes unmanageable in stages, and the patterns are always the same. I feel alone and isolated; I connect with an escape upon which to obsess, and I step away from the principles of ‘Good Orderly Direction’ — I fall off the wagon. I fall deeper and become depressed. My health suffers, my work suffers, my relationship suffers, and my spirit suffers profoundly. I consider death and think about blowing up my life’s path. A path I eventually remember has been blessed and ordained by a higher power, sanctified and strengthened after every struggle. My body rejects any action besides reconciliation, and I find myself experiencing that moment of clarity again.

Learning to accept the things we cannot change and take action where it
is appropriate is not just part of recovering from addiction; it is part of
growing up. Many of us are like overgrown children, still wanting to have
things our way without regard for anything else.

Today, I am holding on to that moment of clarity. I am taking action for accountability. I am asking for help to surrender to a power greater than myself, seeking the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.